a desperate need of travelling

cozy together

2009-12-23T00:57:00.000-08:00

all this christmasy atpmosphere reminded me of an old man i met some time ago, a few days before The Big Snow.

it was very cold already, i went for a short walk with pea in the sling. we were wearing a babywearing jacket, she was also wearing a warm cap, and, as it was getting very windy and freezing, i covered her with the special baby-panel, so she almost desappeared. there might have been a bling-bling of her shiny blue eyes visible sometimes, but only for those, who were willing to see it.
anyway, i was walking on a street and talking to her, as i usually do (sometimes i think she's all: c'mon, someone shut her up, but until she pronounces it with a beautiful well-educated accent, i just don't care).
and then this old man appeared. just an old man, thin, he was wearing brown or greyish clothes, a hat, glasses. he looked very nice, but when he was passing us by, he gave us A Look. i smiled and said: oh, don't worry! i have a baby here, i'm not talking to myself!. then he smiled back and replied: no, no! i saw the baby's cap and eyes, i know what You have there. it's just so cute. i was really relieved to hear this, as usually the older people seem to have completely forgotten the fact that in the post-war years lots (most?) of the babies were carried because of the lack of the strollers, so most of the reactions i get are hysterical (i especially like when they not talk to me, but to pea, like: oh, poor baby, you must be so unomfortable in there, without even looking at me). so i was very happy the man was nice.
and then he turned to me and said: i just have to tell you this story. i was walking one day in a park, as i usually do. i made even some acquintances there, people recognize me, as we go there in the same hours. i used to have a dog - a nice little dog, later i had to put her to sleep, you know, she was very sick. but when she was alive i walked with her every day. such a kind animal she was. and one morning it was very cold, like today. i was wearing a sheepsking coat, a very good and warm coat. but the dog, poor thing, was shaking with cold. so i thought: "i am old, you are old, poor us. let's stick together, we'll get warmer". and i put her under this coat and we felt a lot better. so i walked like this, talking to her, and it was very nice - we felt each other, the snow was falling, i felt very happy. and then i saw two ladies that i usually met in the park at these hours. i tried to wave, but they passed me by very quickly and i just heard one say to another: "look... her was completely perfect just a few days ago! and now he's already talking to himself! you never know when it gets you...".
he laughed, i laughed, we looked at each other with unterstanding. then he just said something like goodbye, or have a nice day, and rushed away. and i feel that haven't stopped smiling ever since.

well, yes, when we stick together, talk to each other, touch, hug... we might get little bit crazy. but very, very happy at the same time!
and this is what i wish You this Christmas.

with love,
kasia

just an old bucket

2009-09-14T12:18:00.001-07:00

jsut an old bucket
Originally uploaded by kasia wska

well, guys? what do you see here? just an old bucket?

i love it. it's beautiful, classic, pretty. it's damaged, i know, and i would like it to be as it was, but anyway i think it's amazing. i wouldn't change it for a million of plastic buckets.

when i was photographing it, one close person from my family came asking, what the hell i was doing. what did you find in there? why are you taking shots of an old bucket?
hm, i don't know, but i really had no idea it was a strange thing to do!

and i still think it's pretty.
well, taste.
well, my old fashioned mind.

the new carrier

2009-09-14T11:55:00.000-07:00

after suffering a terrible back-ache with superheavy;) pea i finally decided to get a manduca. we officially can't afford it, so we'll see how it goes. but i don't care. we'll manage. pea needs carrying and this carrier is just perfect.

a true romance

2009-09-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

sometimes i just like to push my boundaries and check how far can i go.

this time, as i like romantic comedies and have a soft spot for sit-coms (even though watching them with no telly in da house is quite difficult) i decided to try to read a true romance book as a guilty pleasure.
lately i was not too good emotionally and an easy-peasy tale would keep me going.

as i'm not very into intellectual reading (i'm very into emotional reading, so sometimes people think i'm intellectual, just because i read saramago and such - don't be fooled, i just read those books because there are fuel for my therapy sessions!) i thought this just might be perfect, and then i'll move on to danielle steel and just shut up about the whole book thing.

i won't tell what was book i got, i'm too ashamed.
but to tell you the truth, it's very, very difficult to read!
it has no logic.
it's boooring.
so no, i give up, even though i've read bridget jones and devil wears prada with a real pleasure (so now you can get the orientation point).

it was a kind of relief, though. i thought i would die in a hell made of pink plush.

blah!

2009-09-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

i have a few posts-drafts and nothing's ready to be published. i have ideas and things to say, but after a whole day with pea (and today was a day of fussiness) my mind is too tired to write anything that makes sense. my mind screams sleep and my body screams whisky. yes, very funny.
i used to be freaked out when i had to stay alone with pea for a night or two weekly... now i'm tired, but on the other hand i like the me-time i get when she's asleep. today it was difficult, though, as we're entering a new naps-schedule and it seems she will be sleeping less (but maybe she'll stop waking up at 6am to play:)?).
and now, as i have this moment, when she's already sleeping an i am not, i've had some me-time in the internet, i've had a tiny glass of wine, and now i'd love to finish and publish those drafts, but it feels like eating a piece of cake after having eaten a whole box of ice-cream. you know what i mean? nice, but impossible.
i hope to start some real blogging adventure soon, but how do i do this? oh, how? maybe i'll get a bigger stomach?

reading

2009-09-01T11:23:00.000-07:00

yes, i'm alive and reading! :)

i've decided to quit goodreads, as i haven't had time to actually make a good use of it. i regret it (not quitting, but not having time).
but as i like sharing my reading ideas, i'll try to post some words about it here.

for example now i'm reading cranford by elizabeth gaskell and i'm really enjoying it.

and before it i followed all the steps of adrian mole and it left me lightheaded.

i need happy books as a therapy from a sad one i'm working on... (i won't go into details, but it's a sad one!).

and You, what are You reading now?

can't stop singing, digidong!

2009-08-24T01:02:00.000-07:00

not only the music. the VIDEO is pure awesomeness!!!

on babywearing in wild wild east...

2009-07-06T07:29:00.001-07:00

where's the baby?!
Originally uploaded by kasia wska

or is it everywhere in the world like this?

so.
i use the slings quite often.
especially the moby wrap, which i got from a wonderful mom who'd appreciated it before. i have a pouch, too, which was very cheap in merlin, but the size S turned out to suit my husband, not me. and the ring sling, sewed by my friend joujou (at ju_ka).

but i still can't get used to the fact that babywearing is so uncommon here, in poland, and pretty unwelcome.

i see that poles take the idea of 'all the chidren are ours' very seriously. old ladies telling me my baby's not wearing a hat (in summer heat)? at least once a week. or neighbours stopping me to tell me my baby is cold. is it? really? she didn't say so.
and the breastfeeding. everyone, really everyone, ask me 'do you feed'? like no, i don't feed. she grows like this by herself.
because feed = breastfeed. of course breastfeeding is obviously the best for the baby, but is it necessary to discuss it with every single person i know and don't know? like a few days ago a girl in a park, a stranger, started telling me she was frightened she didn't have enough breastmilk. i was like, ok, there is no problem, i'm an open person and i'd love to talk it trough with you (in my oppinion, she had enough. her kid was a fatso). but on the other hand i was surprised, because this topic seems to me quite intimate.
and then the formula feeding. everyone has opinion without knowing what was behind the decision.

but anyway - the slings.
i studied the topic still when i was pregnant and i was so certain there were millions and zillions of babywearing mothers, who i'll meet in all those parks and malls of warsaw, and we will wave at each other happily and then probably fall into each others arms. but: no way! by now i saw three, yes, t h r e e babywearing mamas on the streets of the center of the capital city of poland. i can't believe it! and what i get instead are all those l o o k s. all those remarks. today i saw a group of spanish tourist following me with their tiny malicious eyes and saying to each other: "ella esta llevando un nino! ella esta llevando un nino ASI!*" i was about to get to them and reply, that "estoy solo usando este miraculo, que ustedes tambien podrian aprovechar**", because i happen to speak spanish, but i resigned.
i was sure people were more open elsewhere; in the magical land of the a b r o a d, that only the polish ladies will stop me to tell me i'm suffocating my poor kid and that they feel sorry for me and the baby, because it's not it's fault.

of course there are lots of nice people, too. some of them asking where i got the wrap and how to use it, is it safe, etc. and this is very nice. today i made friends in a thrift shop, a talked a bit with the cashier lady about the wrap and then i heard a loud voice from behind, i looked back and saw nothing, but then i looked down and saw a tiny, tiny lady - where did she get this kind of voice?! - saying "my daughter bought this thing in the i n t e r n e t, as if the internet was a kind of exotic country somewhere very away, maybe in africa.

anyway, i didn't want to moan here. but when i hit the town with the sling i usually feel like a lesbian kissing her girl on the main square of warsaw (not very common here either) or a soap opera starlet playing a guy who cheats on his wife. like an immoral evildoer.
but i won't give up. and it will change. i'm sure.

* she's carrying a child! she's carrying a child LIKE THIS!
** i'm just using this miracle and you could make a use of it, too!

to-do lists again...

2009-06-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

well, it seems like i won't be getting much time for any serious writing soon, so i'll just share some thoughts and i'll do it fast.

first of all - babywearing. i totally recommend it to anyone who has a baby, i love it, it's loveing, caring, comfortable, funny, cute, stylish... simply awesome. if i only could i'd get a whole collection of wraps and slings.

second - nick hornby saved my life again with a book i hadn't read before - how to be good. seems to be just simply funny, but there is a lot more underneath, believe me. i like novels like this, even though my main interest is in all those weird psychodelic magical realisms;).

third - for a few weeks now i've been watching a beautiful bird nesting on a tree in a front of my kitchen window. no matter the weather. when it rained, we ran to the window to check up on the bird, and she was always there, in the rain, wind and hail, clutching a branch in her small paws, even though the tree was really shaking and looked as if it was about to collapse. today i spotted that the baby bird has been born and the beautiful mama was feeding it. such a happiness and joy! but a few hours later there were only ruins of this nest, mama-bird sitting over them, beak hanging down, making sad sounds. when i was leaving for a walk i saw a small dead body of the baby-bird on the lawn. and now cry, cry, cry. i can't look at the kitchen window. our flat is small, but now it seems a lot smaller, with nowhere to hide.

fourth - i've got a lovely new coat that you can see at my flickr:)

dreams of an aspiring writer

2009-06-22T02:30:00.000-07:00

and then i wake up and remember that i was supposed to write a story.
it was a genius story! i already felt the glory i would feel in a full bloom after finishing it.
so, then i wake up in the dead of the night to re-live a dream i have just finished dreaming. it is a passionate and amazing story, some stills from it are still if front of my eyes. and then i wake up and make myself remember the cafe, the bed, the train (there always are trains, always railways and stations). to remember the light, the scents and the weird feeling that i am really dreaming and i have to remember everything to write it down later.
and then i wake up, all eager and happy to write it, and i try to stick it all together.
and all i'm left with are those vivid stills (a friend i lost a few years ago is telling me she's bought a new perfume, i smell her and i say, but you smell the same, and she's all angry. oh, i miss her a lot sometimes) and a phrase banging hard in my head: "i fell in love with my doctor, and...".
well, that's not a big news to me.

perfect for kissing!

2009-06-17T12:37:00.001-07:00

perfect for kissing!
Originally uploaded by kasia wska

those are just perfect, aren't they! pea grows so fast, i will be getting some serious shoes soon... and then heels, haha!

any soul comforting reads to recommend?

2009-06-15T12:25:00.000-07:00

as i had to skip budnitz (i'm still crying over her, but my head was about to explode) i'm looking for nice books to read. something woody allen-like? any thoughts? i would be VERY happy to find something happy to read to heal my wounds. (it may be for kids!).

judy budnitz - update

2009-06-13T05:03:00.001-07:00

ok, so here it goes: i got terrible nighmares after reading her short stories and my husband's hidden my book! awesome. so those fragile delicate beings, beware - only small dosage, ok? not the whole book at a time, as our poor minds may choke.

judy budnitz

2009-06-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

i fell in love with a woman that i've never met, i fell in love with her mind. it happens to me again, i'm head over heels for her.
last time it was foer who illuminated me this way and it was about two years ago.
so it desn't happen often.

i really recommend her oniric, wonderful writing to anyone. contraindication: depression and anxiety disorder - but those without them may just not feel her, though.

i walk drunk with words again. i write stupid things in my stupid little notebook.
what shall i do?

she's back!

2009-06-07T13:27:00.001-07:00

she's back!
Originally uploaded by kasia wska

i'm so happy!

it all went a way better than expected. even though i thought there would be a huge problem with putting fiona in her box, there was none. then on our ride back home both girls slept.

i try to do everything to make her happy. she seems to be ok, but still getting used to the weird babysounds.

seems like i'm back

2009-06-01T01:26:00.000-07:00

from a long journey from a non-blog land, i hope you'll take me back!

i was busy making to-do lists of to-do lists, collecting spit-ups, talking, babytalking, nightsleeping, daydreaming, suffocating in a dream, having lactation nightmares...
it was all a dream, now we are slowly waking up.
but something has changed and now there are three of us.
and this weekend it will be the whole four of us! (yes, my other daughter's coming!).
so it seems: i'm back!

*

and when it comes to dreams, the new me has developed a new nightmare.
before i used to dream that i was lost somewhere, i couldn't find my mommy, i was alone, so sad and so poor.

and now a new dream has appeared, and it comes to me a few times a week.
i find myself on a journey (most frequently in lisbon) and i'm a on a party, making frieds, drinking, having lots and LOADS of fun. and then i realize: omg! i'm married! i have a kid! and, what is the worst: i am breastfeeding! my baby's going to die of hunger, and what is even worse: i have no pump and i'm totally going to BURST.

well, yeah. welcome to the motherhood, wska.

moderacja komentarzy / comments moderation

2009-06-01T01:22:00.000-07:00

sorry, internecie, ale trzeba tu wprowadzić bramkarza. (to naprawdę nie miejsce na wulgarne komentarze, chcesz sobie popluć, pluj gdzie indziej!).

sorry, internet, but there is a need for a bouncer here. (this is not a place for foul-mouthed comments, if you wanna spit, spit elsewhere!)

a statement:)

2009-03-30T02:55:00.001-07:00

footsie diaries
Originally uploaded by mama wska

dear friends and followers of my blog!

i'm fine, we're fine, i just really don't have time or mind capacity to write.
pea's taken all my attention, so i'm on blog-vacation for a while.

please stop by from time to time, as i intend to write again as soon as possible.

if You are interested in my photos (so much easier to post), stop by my flickr account. and if You are a flickr user, leave a comment for me to know You were there:)

hugs!

z smsów do męża, środa, ok. 10.40 rano

2009-03-04T01:49:00.000-08:00

1) nasze dziecko obsrało się po pachy. dosłownie. ja nie wiedziałam, że to możliwe.
2) sling = rewelacja. wstawiłam pranie! dwoma rękoma!

po chwili:

3) nasza córka oficjalnie została najmłodszą fanką mieczysława fogga. śpi jak laleczka, zasłuchana.

(trochę reklamy - slingi kupujemy tu: ju&ka, julia.ruman@gmail.com)

new arrival;)

2009-02-26T05:36:00.001-08:00

she's here!
little miss pea, groszek, our little daughter. córeczka.

holidays, anniversaries...

2009-01-15T12:39:00.000-08:00

i'd never expect i would spend this new years eve in a hospital and my birthday - today - in bed, but not doing pleasant things, but lying flat and counting days to my due date.
thanks, Lord, for my dear husband who feeds me with cake and for all the friends and family who called me today.
and for my 9-years old brother, who wrote in his calendar: "i will be an uncle for a girl named j.". so cute!!!
but still - i'm more horizontal than vertical and i don't really like it.

bed rest

2009-01-13T10:50:00.001-08:00

waiting. caring. warming up.

złotego globa ofiara

2009-01-12T03:04:00.000-08:00

jak w jeszcze jednym mniej lub bardziej szanowanym medium przeczytam, że ktoś dostał złotego globa, to obiecuję, że sama dostanę globusa histericusa.

of breaking trough to the other side

2008-10-17T13:43:00.001-07:00

monday walk
Originally uploaded by kasia wska

maybe i understand this phrase a little bit differently, than it was meant to be understood, but anyway, what the hell, who knows, it expresses exactly what i feel.

there are very positive things happening in my life, lately some of my dreams are coming true, dreams from long ago, that i thought they were not relevant anymore, but they turn out to be the most exciting and fulfilling things in my life. just like that. it turns out that i've always known what i want to do in my life, but it was just too obvious.
i just want to be a bookworm.

and then there are all those opportunities, that i've always thought they were not meant for me. and now they just come my way. it's like magic. (in the meantime i have a lot of work and i cry. but it doesn't count afterwards and i know it will be easier later on).

this is fascinating, calming and it feels like i'm finally getting home.

the first book i've ever translated had been just published. and this is just one of those happy things!
and my baby is the kickiest of all.

the shadow of the wind

2008-10-12T05:34:00.001-07:00

walk
Originally uploaded by kasia wska

i'm reading zafón and i'm actually appreciating and enjoying him. it turns out i sometimes like scary stories, haha! (only when my husband is around).
it's like harry potter (who was my first love), but different.
:)

i'm loving the first autumn in my life, that i like.
depression-free, overwork-free, carefree.
happiness!

PS. dla polskojęzycznych:
najczęstsza literówka przy tłumaczeniu: pisarz --> psiarz.
jak mój tata pisał książkę z kardiologii i miał dosyć, to zamiast zastawek wychodziły mu zasrawki;)

autumn's come:)

2008-09-21T07:04:00.001-07:00

it's official!
Originally uploaded by kasia wska

i'm here, but it's been so busy that i haven't really had time to think and write. i'm working all the time, all the pennies are good for the baby (and my preggers wardrobe, ha;)).
i'm doing all these boring and fascinating things like eating, walking, dressing myself, grocery shopping, baby-kick-waiting... and everything is done very slowly, as i get tired very easily now.
so i'd rather check on You, guys!

goodnight, port

2008-09-09T12:27:00.001-07:00

goodnight, port
Originally uploaded by kasia wska

the holiday was so lovely.
i'm back!

august, you say?

2008-08-29T05:08:00.001-07:00

is it, really?
Originally uploaded by kasia wska

tomorrow we're going for holidays. the weather would rather get better!
see You in a week and prepare for a lot of photos from hel (not hell, we hope).
see ya:)

one more autumnal shot

2008-08-28T01:41:00.001-07:00

a new blog!
Originally uploaded by kasia wska

so autumn. can't believe it's august. two years ago it was still summer in november. but maybe it was because we were getting married then? :)

these stripes!

2008-08-28T01:23:00.001-07:00

these stripes!
Originally uploaded by kasia wska

- na przykład dwa lata temu, biorąc jesienny ślub, czekaliśmy na te mrozy i chłody, a tu w połowie listopada powitało nas słońce i naprawdę duża ciepłość. ale komu w sercu ciepło, i tak dalej.
a teraz zimno. nawet, jak jest powyżej 20 stopni, to jakoś zimno, bo te chmury, ten wiatr, chce się nosić czapkę i przynajmniej żakiet. pić czekoladę.
pierwszy raz w życiu czekam na jesień z niecierpliwością. zawsze oznaczała dla mnie bezdenne doły, ale teraz jestem w tak świetnej formie, że liczę na nacieszenie się wszystkim jesiennym, łącznie ze słotą i takimi tam.

hi, blog!

2008-08-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

how are You?

starting a new blog - because this is not the first one for me - is not an easy thing.
or maybe it is? depending on a goal you want to achieve?

i've always thought, that a blog has to have a main topic or at least a person who runs it needs to have a certain interest in some specific stuff to make this blog interesting. and it sounds like a hard thing to do, to plan, to organise.

well, i do not have any of these. i like different things and i think i won't be even capable of writing in one language, as i like writing i portuguese, too, and polish is my first language.

and, on the top of that, i'm not really into goals. i'm more like 'let's see' kind of girl.
so i will be writing what i like:).

i don't really know where it will take me, but surely these are the things You might find here soon:

books,
tea,
knitting moaning (i learn),
portuguese language moaning (i teach),
stories on what i wear,
stories in general,
chocolate and some other stuff.

well... welcome!